Guilt Ridden
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October 01, 2018
By Billie Mitchell
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I'm working in my office this morning, catching up on emails, packaging orders, checking off items on my to-do list.  Rather efficiently I might say.  Which is not usually the case for me.  I struggle daily to stay focused and on task typically.  As I was working, my devotional caught my attention on the window sill.  If I'm being honest, the last time I opened this devotional was back in August.  Sadly.  Something stopped me in my tracks today though and I felt pulled to pick it up and take the 5 minutes it takes to read today's devotion.

When I say "Something" stopped me in my tracks, what I should say is that God stopped me in my tracks and told me to pick up this little book.  

Let me take you back a couple of weeks to a conversation I had with Dennis, my husband.  I've been visiting a lot of doctor's over the past year trying to determine what is causing me to have so much physical pain, and constantly feel fatigued.  The past 2 medications that have been given to me to try to relieve pain have made me terribly sleepy and groggy.  One day as I was sleeping my way through another 24 hour period after trying a new medicine for the first time, I was complaining to Dennis how frustrating it is to be trying to take care of myself and find help for whatever is going on in my body, but everything the doctors prescribe for pain makes me so tired and I can't be productive.  And when I'm not being productive every day, I feel like I'm failing.  Failing my family, failing my clients, failing myself.  Which then makes me feel constant guilt.

Fast forward to today when I am pulled to pick up this devotional and read it for the first time in weeks.  And this is what it says:

 

 Apparently, productivity isn't ALWAYS the main goal!  Who knew?

On one hand, I claim that I'm trying to take better care of myself, which should include adequate rest and downtime, but on the other hand, I'm constantly feeling guilty when I do try to rest.  Even if I deliberately plan a day off of work to rest and recuperate, my mind is constantly going through a mental to-do list of all the things I should be doing. 

After reading this devotion, I see these verses in a totally different light.

A rested mind thinks more clearly.  A restored soul is more loving in interactions with others.

Both are what I truly desire.  But instead of being content resting so I can have a clear mind and a restored soul, I am prone to do exactly opposite.  Constantly working and on the go.  Which results in exactly opposite of what I want for myself and others.  It results in a frazzled mind and not so loving interactions with others sometimes.  More like troubled waters, instead of the quiet waters He speaks of.

I'd say this photo is a good depiction of my life most days.  Constant, frenzied motion, foggy mind, a general feeling of unsettledness.

To help me stay focused on the important things that will lead me along the quiet waters, I made myself a beautiful phone wallpaper that I will see over and over again to help keep me on the right path.  I'd love to send it to you to use also if you too could use a little reminder each day that it is ok to rest.  In fact, He is calling you to do so. 

  ↓↓↓  Click HERE to grab this free wallpaper for your phone!  ↓↓↓

 I share these little a-ha moments of mine to hopefully help someone else feel like they aren't alone.

Maybe help another person know that it's OK to just STOP sometimes. 

To rest and recuperate.  ♥

 

                                                                                                                                                            

 

 

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